The article Oregon moms feel the push for natural birth in the Feb. 11,2007 editon of the Oregonian was not concise or clear. The deckhead makes a strong focus but the author doesn't really follow up on this. The author comes close but the story seems to wander too much. There are times when the author has some examples that could be used to illustrate her main point but they come too late. The article is also too long. By the time I reached the end it was difficult to remember what the point of the story was. I also felt the ending should have tied back to the begining with a circular kicker.
The story has the potential of being a good story. The ideas are definitely newsworthy. Women are sure to find the topic interesting. The author uses lots of quotes and cites many different studies. The author has done a lot of research; but I think the story has too many ideas. The author tries to do too much.
It could be separated into a couple of different stories to make it more manageable, each with their own focus. The author could change the focus and rearrange the order of the entire story and that may make it more readable. Like I said before, the ending could connect back to the beginning to tie everything together. I think there is too much going on here and it needs to be more focused.
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I think that Nathan's critique of the Oregon Moms story is right on. He mentions that the story could have been divided into several different stories, and that it was hard to remember the point (at the end of like 4 pages of the story!)This is exactly what I thought of the story too. The deck heads were annoying, and I agree with Nathan that it needs a circle kicker at the end. It's hard to believe that this story made the cover! But Nathan is right--the story does have good, newsworthy info. The trouble is that the reader has to dig around in 4 pages to find. You're right on in your analysis, Nathan. I agree. Let's re-title this story "Oregon students feel the push for better journalism."
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